I Speak...Love (A Different Road Book 3) Read online

  “My website?”

  “She hasn’t launched her website just yet. I’m still putting the final touches on it, but it should be up and running within a week or two,” Nina says, standing next to me.

  “It will be?” I question in shock, looking at her.

  Courtney picks up her purse from the ground and removes her checkbook. She scribbles in it, then removes the check and hands it to me. First off, it’s completely surreal even seeing my name in the pay to section. Second, if I had water in my mouth, I would have spit it out of my mouth just now from the shock of the dollar amount. Is she for real right now? This is way more than I would have ever charged.

  “That should cover the sitting fee. When you email me the proofs, can you let me know how much you charge for the different size packages?” she asks.

  Wait? This is only for the last hour? She’s still going to pay me more for the prints? Forget the water, someone clear a spot on the ground. I think I might pass out. I normally don’t like people touching me, but Nina’s hand wraps around my arm, and I couldn’t be more grateful. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Nina raise her other hand in the air and wave at someone in the distance. I look to my left and see Kate walking up the hill toward us.

  “Thank you for an amazing session! I can’t wait to see the proofs!” Courtney says. “Come on girls, let’s go get some ice cream,” she says.

  The girls cheer with excitement, then follow their mother back to her car.

  “How’d it go?” Kate asks excitedly.

  “Go?” I question.

  “Oh, I so know that look!” Kate says. “I had that same look the first day I saw the Kate Mason Yoga sign on my building,” she says, looping her arm through mine. Nina takes the camera out of my hand, then packs everything up.

  “Forget ice cream,” Nina says. “This calls for a drink. My treat. A virgin one for me, of course,” she says, looking down at her belly, then she hands the backpack to Kate.

  Kate hefts the bag over her other shoulder, then Nina loops her arm through my free arm again, and we all walk to Kate’s car. The entire drive to the restaurant I’m still on cloud nine from the photo shoot.

  At the restaurant, while we wait for our drinks, the thought occurs to me that I should probably pay Nina for helping me today by being my assistant.

  “Thank you for helping me today, Nina. I need to pay . . .” I start to say, but she quickly cuts me off.

  “Don’t you even think about it. That’s what friends are for,” she says with a smile.

  Friends? As in plural. I’ve been alone and shut off most of my life this honestly feels good . . . surreal, but good.

  Before I knew what was happening Kate had made her way into my life and lodged herself smack dab in the middle of my tiny, frozen heart. I didn’t even realize that both Nina and Joss were also in there.

  Saturday morning I lay in bed at three a.m. staring at the dark coffered, wooden ceiling thinking about Maddy. Selfishly, I want her in my life. All be damned the consequences it may bring her. I’m a fucking monster because I know I’ll only hurt her. I think about her supple breast in my hand, and I find myself wondering how many freckles she has on each breast. I didn’t get to see all of her tattoo, and I find myself wanting to run my finger over every surface of it. The limited view I had of her only added to her sexiness. She’s soft and warm, and I want to palm her ass in my hand while I make passionate love to her. My cock stirs in agreement.

  But I can’t.

  No, you can’t. You will destroy her beyond her capacity to pull through.

  When I look at her, I see this beautiful creature that deserves the best of everything in life, and I know that can’t include me. I see her, and she makes me want to break every rule I’ve ever made for myself to protect people from the bastard that I am. She makes me want to say out loud the things she makes me feel on the inside. Things I swore, I would never say to another human being ever again.

  I can’t allow myself to feel these things, knowing the secrets I hide and what happens to the people who get close to me. But what if I tell her the truth? What if I tell her the things I’ve done?

  She’ll never look at you the same. She’ll finally see you for what you are. A terrible monster capable of only hurting people.

  Before I can think of another thought, I drift back asleep.

  Three hours later, I wake up confused. I’ve never slept this late even if it is only six in the morning. I hear Nelly downstairs in the kitchen, then I smell a fresh pot of coffee. I jump in the shower, then get dressed quickly knowing exactly what I’m going to do today.

  I head downstairs and grab a cup of coffee, then I work in my office until late afternoon. I wrap up work, then I sit back in my chair and recall the urgent reason River wanted to see me in his office. I knew it was for some personal bullshit reason when I walked in because Josh immediately got up and left the room. River stood up from his immaculately clean desk and slapped a folder down on the surface toward me with a challenging look on his face. When I read Maddy’s name on the tab, I should have immediately got up and walked out of his office. Intrigued at what he could possibly have to say about her, I stayed.

  He said he wanted me to see the sorted background of the person I was interested in pursuing a relationship with. Honestly, I didn’t and still don’t care about Maddy’s background. The file was thick and obviously River had concerns. I wonder what Joss would think about River if she knew he did the exact same thing to her, that he ran a background check on both her and Nina. I wonder what she would think of him if she ever got a glimpse at his unsealed, unexpunged police file. He wasn’t the model of youth either.

  He didn’t say another word to me as I opened the file and read it. Page after page read much the same. Her sealed juvenile records read like a child’s worst nightmare. She was abandoned by her mother, then she bounced around in the foster care system until she aged out and was forced to fend for herself. She has several minor misdemeanor crimes, including a handful of petty theft, a simple assault charge, and a few trespassing charges all up until around the age of twenty, then her record is clean.

  I think about my sister and the fact that she was adopted basically hours after she was born, while Maddy went her entire childhood life believing no one on this earth wanted her. As dysfunctional as my family was up until the accident, Kate grew up in a loving, safe home. I can’t imagine the type of homes Maddy grew up in. Maddy and Kate couldn’t be more opposite or more perfect for each other.

  I left River’s office pissed off to no end, but not before I told him to mind is own goddamned business and nothing in that file meant anything. He said he was only looking out for me and the company, and he was sure Maddy would never tell me the truth about herself. He wanted me to know what I was getting myself into. Maddy didn’t tell me the truth . . . yet, she hasn’t exactly had the chance. I haven’t told her the truth about me either . . . yet, but that all changes tonight. River wasn’t looking out for me or the company, he was looking to be an arrogant asshole, and he was trying to ruin the first good thing to come into my life in decades.

  At five, I get in my car and drive to River’s house for family dinner. Since Joss, Nina, and Josh live at River’s house, and Kate and Cooper live two houses down, the only vehicle here is Maddy’s catering van parked at the curb.

  I knock on the door and wait. Joss opens the door and immediately smiles at me. With a smile still plastered on her face, she quickly turns and looks at Maddy.

  “Come on in,” she calls with a singsong twang.

  She walks over to Maddy and whispers in her ear loud enough for everyone to hear, “Nice job getting him here.”

  “But I didn’t . . .” she starts to say, but stops talking when I make a direct path to her.

  I stop directly in front of her and take her hand. I gently pull her hand toward the back of the house. We walk through River’s wall of doors that lead outside to the back deck and pool.

  “Afte
r dinner, you and I are going to have a serious conversation,” I say.

  “OK,” she replies with wide, questioning eyes.

  I lean in and gently place a soft kiss on her lips, then Nina calls, “Dinner’s ready,” from inside the house.

  Stephen again takes my hand and leads me back inside the house. Joss, Nina, and Kate’s eyes are all glued to me and Stephen holding hands. He leads me to the dinner table, then he pulls out a chair for me. I sit down, then Stephen sits down next to me.

  Kate walks into the kitchen, followed by Sadie, Nina, and Joss, then the girls come back to the table carrying food. Sadie happily trots behind Kate and has a seat on the floor next to her chair.

  “River! Josh! Dinner is ready,” Joss calls loudly down the hallway, then she takes her seat at the table.

  A few minutes later, they both walk down the hallway. Josh stops next to Nina, leans down and kisses her on the side of the head, then he takes his seat next to her. I’m always fascinated by the invisible connection River has with Joss. Even though River is completely blind, he can always sense exactly where Joss is. He runs his knuckle along the edge of the table until he’s directly in front of Joss. A smile immediately lights up her face as he leans forward and kisses her on the lips.

  “Smells fantastic,” he whispers next to her ear.

  I’m thinking he’s referring to her and not the food sitting on the table though. He has this weird fascination with nutmeg for some strange reason. I tell Joss all the time she should run a nutmeg seed behind her ear before she leaves work every evening. Stephen clears his throat sitting next to me, and River immediately snaps his head up and stares directly at him. His brows furrow together for a split second, then he takes his seat next to Joss with a loud, disgruntled sigh.

  “There’s nothing better than a table full of family for dinner,” Kate says, cheerfully. “Well . . . almost nothing better,” she finishes, then blushes as she glances at Cooper.

  Cooper lets out a low growl/sigh deep in the back of his throat, then says to Kate, “I’m going to hug you right now, is that alright?”

  See, even Cooper gets it. Ask first! Don’t just assume everyone wants a hug from you. Kate doesn’t get a chance to answer, though, she squeals with delight and giggles with laughter as Cooper smooshes her in his arms while he nibbles on her neck.

  Joss picks up a serving dish, plates River’s food, then her own and passes it to Nina sitting next to her. She does the same for the rest of the dishes, then like always, she tells River where his food is located on his plate like the hands on a clock.

  “Did you get a chance to look at the photos from the shoot today?” Kate asks.

  “No, by the time Nina dropped me off at home after our drink, I only had enough time to shower and come here. I’m dying to look at them, though,” I answer.

  My left leg suddenly gets warm when Stephen’s hand rests on my upper thigh. He leaves it there through the remainder of dinner and occasionally gives it a gentle squeeze followed by running his hand to my knee, then back up to my thigh.

  Stephen watches as I take the last bite of my dessert, then his chair scrapes loudly on the wooden floor as he stands up. He gathers a freakishly large amount of serving dishes and plates, and carries them into the kitchen.

  “Can I help with anything?” I ask, standing up.

  “Kate and I have kitchen duty,” Cooper offers.

  “Great! Dinner was spectacular as always. Thank you for the invitation. Maddy and I have somewhere to be,” Stephen says, walking back to the table.

  “We do?” I question.

  Stephen’s left eyebrow quickly rises up his forehead as he looks at me.

  “We do,” he confirms with a slight nod.

  He places his hand high on my arm, and slowly slides it down until his hand is in mine. He laces his fingers through mine while I inhale a deep breath.

  “I’ll see you girls Monday,” I say to Joss and Nina without looking at them.

  “Can you follow me back to my house in your van?” Stephen asks as we walk out the front door.

  “OK,” I reply.

  He walks me to my van and opens the door for me. I get in, then he closes the door and winks at me. Stephen is sending me so many sexy signals right now, and it’s a complete one-eighty from what he said to me last night when he walked out on me. I’m so confused as to what exactly has changed.

  He walks to his car, then he drives down the street. He drives slowly to make sure I don’t lose him. Less than a mile from River’s beach house, he stops just outside of the largest house I’ve ever seen in Malibu. An intricately decorated wrought iron gate with the letter M monogrammed in the center starts to open like magic as soon as his car pulls up, then he drives up the long cobblestone pathway and stops at the top of the circular driveway. The entire front yard is lush and spectacular, and it’s complete with a beautiful, oversized water fountain in the center. I pull up behind him; he gets out of his car, walks to my door, then opens it. Without a word, he takes my hand and leads me inside the house.

  Inside the house, there is a grand entryway complete with a double staircase with elaborate, swirling wrought iron work leading all the way up to the second floor balcony. An opulent crystal chandelier hangs from the center of the ceiling above a circular, inlaid, antique entryway table. The possibilities of the photographs with just the play of light from the chandelier as it kaleidoscopes on the ceiling alone are endless. Stephen turns around and looks at me with a smile, then he pulls my hand toward the right staircase. My eyes travel over endless rich furnishings and decorations as I put one foot in front of the other, and climb higher and higher.

  At the top of the stairs, Stephen turns around and gently presses me against the wall. His face nears mine, and the intoxicating scent of his cologne sends my pulse racing. His warm, soft lips come to mine as his arm firmly snakes around my back, pulling me closer.

  “Stephen?” I whisper, pulling slightly away. “I thought you wanted to talk,” I manage to whisper.

  “I do, and we will. Let me have this first, please?” he pleads.

  His pleading stabs me in the chest. His words are laced with my own mirrored thoughts about keeping something that makes me happy. I want it even if it is only for this one time. I place my lips back on his and answer his question with a kiss.

  He takes my hand and walks down the hallway to one of the bedrooms. The bed is immaculately made, and there isn’t one speck of dust on the heavy, dark wood furniture. He closes the door behind me, leads me to the bed, then turns me around to face him. He slowly brings his hand to my face, then with the front of his cupped fingers, he softly trails them lovingly down my cheek.

  “Pure sweetness,” he whispers.

  He trails his fingers down my neck, then slowly he pulls back the collar of my sleeveless, button up, V-neck shirt. His fingers continue down my shirt until he reaches the first button. I start to breathe heavy as one by one he slowly unbuttons each button. Time seems to stand still, and I want this beautiful moment to last forever, yet I desperately need him to hurry up. I want him. I need him. His eyes come to mine, then he unbuttons my shorts. His fingers slide down the zipper, then he pushes my shorts to the floor. I stare into his eyes as they get closer and closer until his lips are on mine. His hands wrap around my back, then they sink underneath my panties. He palms my ass and gives each cheek a firm squeeze as he exhales a deep, content sigh on my lips. His hands on my bare ass send chills up and down my spine. His lips part and his tongue slowly enters my mouth. He pulls my body to his with a sharp thud, and I instantly feel his hard erection against my belly. He removes his hands from my ass, reaches for his shirt, then breaks the kiss and pulls it over his head. I pull slightly away and look at the defined muscles in his chest and stomach. He takes my hand and brings it to his lips, then kisses each fingertip. I bite my lip as I look at his lips move from fingertip to fingertip. My eyes travel down to the thick, leather band I gave him wrapped around his right wrist. He’s
still wearing it. His hand threads in my hair, then he pulls my lips to his and kisses me hard. I reach down to his jeans, undo them, then push them and his underwear to the floor.

  He reaches behind my back and unhooks my bra, in one quick, effortless motion. I let it fall to the floor in front of me, then he backs away and looks at me. Each ugly, unwanted freckle on my body suddenly seems larger than life. Like he can read my thoughts, he slightly squints one eye at me, then he shakes his head back and forth. His lips tip upward into a sexy smirk, then he brings them to my collarbone. His hand softly touches one of my breasts, and he rolls my nipple between his fingertips. I moan as his lips slowly drag over my chest, then he descends down the center of my body until he reaches the top of my panties. His hands come to my hips, he hooks my panties with his thumbs, then he slowly moves them down my legs. His hands come back to my hips, then he gently sets my ass on top of the bed.

  He gets down on his knees on the floor in front of me, and I start to pant. He watches his hands as he drags them up my shin, up over my knees, then he spreads my legs and places his mouth on me. I gasp, then moan from the sensation of pleasure. I prop myself up on my elbows and watch as his lips and tongue trace over every inch of me.

  He slowly drags his lips to the inside of my thigh, then with a soft kiss he lifts his head. His eyes connect with mine, his lips glisten with that sexy smirk he does so well, then he whispers, “Pure sweetness.”

  I fall back on the bed, raise my knees, and put my feet on the mattress. He continues to lick and suck, then his fingers gently start to massage my inner thighs. He slowly moves his fingers closer until he’s right where I want and need him, then one slips inside me, then two. No one has ever touched me so tender, so lovingly before. It builds quickly and before I can try and stop it, to enjoy it more, I explode. The more I come, the more Stephen seems to enjoy it. The noises coming from him make me think he enjoys it almost as much, if not more, than I do. He stays there until I come down from my high, then he’s gone. I look up and see him reaching in his nightstand drawer. He removes a condom and rips the wrapper open with his teeth. Before he can put it on, I sit up and take him in my hand. He grits out a breath between his teeth and the muscles in his neck contract. I scoot off the bed and stand in front of him. I run my hands down his ripped muscles, then I crouch down on my knees and gently touch his tip with my tongue. He lets out a sigh, then I firmly wrap my lips around him and take as much of him in my mouth as I can. He hisses with pleasure as I move up and down his silky smooth skin.