I Speak...Love (A Different Road Book 3) Read online

  Even from a very young age, I could always find peace in nature’s beauty. I could never afford a camera, hell I could never afford a bra that fit properly, but I used to hold my hands out in front of my face at arm’s length like I was framing a shot and pretend I was a world famous, professional photographer. I loved to explore nature’s gifts at all hours of the day and night, and learn how shadow’s danced on the side of a building or on the profile of a woman sitting outside at a café. No matter how toxic a home was, I could always find inner peace by myself surrounded by nature.

  I never lived in any one city long enough to qualify for a library card, so I could never check out books, but the peace and quiet of a library, as I studied photography magazines and books made my heart sing.

  Every job I did, as painful as it was at times, I set aside ten percent in an old, ragged tampon box, so that one day I could buy myself a camera. Even at that, not even tampons were sacred among the people on the streets. One day, after years of saving, my tampon box that had at least thirty dollars in it was stolen. No matter what I had, it was eventually taken away from me, even tampons. After that, I did something I had never done before. I locked myself in a disgusting bathroom at a gas station, laid on the floor, and cried for an hour. After I had cried every last tear there was to cry, I picked myself back up and started over again. Picking myself up and starting over was something else I’ve perfected over the years.

  When I was nineteen, I got my first real job at a diner as a waitress. The owner let me live in the back room, rent free, until I could get myself on my own two feet. I lived on my tips and saved my paychecks for my camera fund.

  Soon I realized I loved to cook. I’d spend many hours in the diner kitchen experimenting with different dishes. The diner owner took notice and soon, some of my creations were on the menu. I worked my way through several restaurants, building my reputation and my way up. Eventually, I was able to afford my very own tiny apartment. Soon my tampon box became an actual savings account at a bank. As much as it broke my heart, instead of using that money for a camera, I used it to put myself through culinary school, along with the help of financial aid. Photography, though, was never far from my thoughts or my heart.

  Not long after I graduated, I was offered a job that I couldn’t refuse. An up-and-coming catering company, California Chef, which was run by co-owner’s and best friends, Joss Meyer and Nina St. James, wanted me to work for them. I had already been doing some random side jobs for them with their bigger catering events, but eventually they hired me full time.

  The money was good, real good, and I was able to save enough money to purchase a used camera. I walked into a camera shop, and I knew exactly which one I wanted. I had done my research with my newly acquired library card, and I was on cloud nine. The clouds quickly turned stormy when, even though I had saved and saved, my used dream camera was still more than I had saved. The owner said he had recently purchased another of the same camera. The shell was in pretty rough shape, and some of the features didn’t work, he’d sell it to me for what I had. Even though it wasn’t pretty on the outside and everything didn’t work on the inside, it reminded me of myself. My life has been rough and on the outside, my face shows it. Inside, I’m a shell of a human, but this camera was mine, purchased with my own hard earned money, and I loved it.

  California Chef quickly moved from a catering company to a personal chef business, and I started taking my camera with me to client’s homes. My passion for cooking deliciously collided with my passion for photography. I had developed a lust for food porn. One day, Nina saw some of my photos that I had left in the catering van, and she instantly fell in love with them. Nina is the company’s Webmaster extraordinaire, and each and every single photo on the California Chef website was taken by me. I’d never been so proud of anything in my life!

  A few months ago, Joss and Nina moved out of the home they own just outside of Malibu and moved into River’s beautiful Malibu beach house. Josh, who is River’s right-hand man and personal assistant, lives twenty-four seven at the beach house as well. Joss is now engaged to River and Nina is engaged to Josh. How does something so perfect like that even happen to fall in line?

  As a perk for working at California Chef, Joss and Nina allow me to live in their home rent free. Nina has taken on more of an administrative, office manager role in the business, so not only do I use Nina’s catering van for business, I also get to use it as my personal vehicle. Trust me, they’re both things I’m just waiting to be taken away from me.

  Knock, Knock, Knock, taps on my driver’s side window, scaring the shit out of me.

  “What are you doing? Class starts in five minutes,” Kate says, muffled from the other side of the glass. “Get your buns moving, girl!” she says, then walks back inside her yoga studio.

  Kate is the first person I’ve ever allowed myself to get close to. Actually, she more or less inserted herself into my life, but I didn’t exactly stop her. But, like everything else in my life, she was taken away from me when she nearly drowned. She was given back because she nearly drowned and didn’t actually drown, but still, I didn’t like the feelings I felt when I thought I had lost someone I love. I’ve worked my whole life at perfecting the art of distance, and those feelings of loss caught me completely and utterly off guard. It was strange, though. I was devastated when I thought she was gone, but when she wasn’t, those feelings were magnified by a million. I realized then that happy hurts so much more than the loss. I didn’t understand it and, honestly, I didn’t know if I ever wanted to feel those things again.

  Kate is an extraordinary, special person. She’s been through hell and back so many times, that I’m sure she’s on a first name basis with the devil himself. When she was five, she begged her family to go to Legoland for vacation. Everyone agreed on the destination, except Stephen, he wanted to stay home. On the way, Kate, her parents, and other brother, River, were in a horrible car accident. Tragically, neither of her parents survived the crash, and River was left permanently blind from the head on impact. Kate ultimately blamed herself for the accident, since Legoland was her idea.

  For so many years, she lived with so much devastating loss, personal blame, and immeasurable guilt that she started to listen to the voices in her head, and she believed that everyone would be better off if she just committed suicide. She downed a bottle of prescription strength pain killers and gave up. I’m not going to lie and say I’d never thought about it myself. I’d hit the lowest of lows so many times that I completely understood where her head was. I think that’s what drew me to her in the first place. Kate is a lot like me in the regards that she bounced around from rehab facility to rehab facility, much like I bounced around from home to home in the foster care system. But unlike Kate, I refused to give karma, fate, or whatever the hell it was out there that had a grip around my throat, the satisfaction of winning. I’m just too stubborn I guess.

  I met Kate shortly after she was released from a strict rehab facility where she finally learned the correct tools to cope with her severe depression. Today, with the help of medication, a strict diet, her love for yoga, her boyfriend Cooper, and his amazing dog, Sadie, Kate is my hope in life, that maybe, just maybe, if you stick around long enough good things will eventually happen.

  Cooper’s dog, Sadie, is now a registered emotional support dog and goes absolutely everywhere with Kate. I’ve never seen a dog more in tune with another human being like Sadie is with Kate.

  Knock, knock, knock, I hear again on my window. The first time it scared the shit out of me, you’d think the second time it wouldn’t, but this time I let out a little scream.

  Kate is on the other side of the van door with her eyebrows raised up on her forehead, and her hands jerking in front of her in a what are you waiting for gesture. I shake off my insecurities, grab my yoga mat, and get out of the van. Kate opens the door to the building, then follows me with her eyes as I enter.

  She takes her place at the front of the pac
ked class and starts her lesson. Kate is slender with lean, defined muscles in all the right places. She has beautiful long brown hair and gorgeous, stunning brown eyes. She seriously belongs on the cover of a fitness magazine, and she was! Her yoga studio was featured in a magazine, and they ended up putting her on the cover. Someday, I’ll take a photo that’s used on the cover of a magazine. Shit, I didn’t mean to think that out loud in my head. Karma has better hearing than an owl.

  As beautiful as Kate is, I’m the exact opposite. I’ve got straw like, red hair that never seems to behave itself, freckles that cover the majority of my nose, cheekbones, and shoulders, and as Joss likes to say, I like to eat the food I cook. I’m not the lanky, thin girl I used to be as a child. Oh, it was terrible being a wiry redhead with gobs of freckles and a body like a string bean to boot. Which, is why I’m extremely grateful Kate insists I take her yoga classes for free . . . because I like . . . no, love my food. I do try to pay her, but she gives me a dirty look every time I do.

  After class, Kate searches me out through the crowd and narrows her eyes at me.

  Oh, shit. What did I do?

  She weaves through her clients and makes a beeline straight for me, loops her arm through mine, and then pulls me into her office. Sadie follows closely behind us and stays glued to Kate’s heels.

  “I need to drop off some paperwork at Mason Group,” she says, letting go of my arm.

  “OK?” I question, confused.

  I’m not quite sure what that has to do with me. She grabs a few files from her desk, then she latches onto my arm again and pulls me back through the studio.

  “Wait! I can’t go over there looking like this!” I say, digging in my heels.

  I dragged my ass out of bed, put my hair up in a ponytail, brushed my teeth, then came here without caring who saw me in yoga class, and now I’m a hot, sweaty mess. The term hot mess doesn’t even come close to describing what I’ve got going on. I’m for sure not dressed or look anywhere near decent enough to go inside a classy place of business like Mason Group!

  “There’s nothing wrong with the way you look. What’s wrong with how you look?” she asks, looking me over from head to toe. “You look just like me,” she fires back. “Come on, Sadie, let’s go see River,” she calls.

  Ha! Like her brother, Stephen, I think Kate needs glasses. Kate and I look absolutely nothing alike. Sadie’s tongue happily lolls out the side of her mouth, and she immediately falls in step with Kate and follows us to the door. I wonder if Stephen is in the office yet this morning. Kate pulls me out of the studio, and we walk arm-in-arm the two doors down to Mason Group, as I nonchalantly pick a sweaty, unladylike wedgie out of the crack of my ass.

  I quickly close the lid on my laptop as, who I hope is, Maddy gently knocks a knuckle on my closed office door. She slightly opens the door and looks inside. Her striking green eyes, that always seem to pierce straight through me, immediately find mine and take my breath away. I clumsily stand from my chair, pushing it backward into the credenza with a loud thud, then walk around my desk, as she opens the door all the way.

  She’s wearing loose fitting workout clothes, and her silky, shiny red hair is pulled back in a ponytail high on the top of her head. She has the sweetest smile on her lips, and her face has an energized, rosy glow. Sexy freckles line the bridge of her nose, then cascade down her high cheekbones. Her hairline is slightly wet, and she’s not wearing an ounce of makeup, yet she looks flawlessly beautiful. Her tank top reveals a splattering of golden freckles on the tips of her shoulders, then they spill all the way down her arms to her fingertips. I suddenly find myself wanting to play connect the freckles with my tongue.

  “Morning,” she says and smiles at me, breaking me out of my stare.

  “Maddy, what are you doing here?” I ask, then realize how rude it must have sounded.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt. I was next door at yoga class, then I came here with Kate while she dropped off some paperwork for River,” she says, then her brilliant green eyes fade an entire shade of green.

  River and Kate, and their damn yoga studio. I hold equal shares in this company and neither one of them consulted with me or asked my opinion about opening the yoga studio. I think River did it more out of guilt for how he had been treating Kate. Kate Mason Yoga is an extension of Mason Group. River took it upon himself to lease the building two doors down and give it to Kate. He made it available for all Mason Group employees to use for free. I get it, I do. Our business can be stressful, but it would have been nice to have had a say in the matter. I don’t even know how much money River sank into the project either. Has it been profitable or are we taking a loss on it? Knowing River and how he dotes on Kate, it wouldn’t matter to him one way or the other. Truthfully, I would never have been against it. I think it’s a great idea all around. It’s especially good for Kate. Between the yoga studio and her new boyfriend, she hasn’t been this happy since before our parents died. It just would have been nice to be treated as an equal partner for once. I look back at Maddy and guessing by the look in her eyes, she’s ready to bolt.

  “No, Maddy, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it to sound like that. It’s just so early; the only people here this early in the morning are River and Josh. Come in,” I say, motioning my hand to the chairs in front of my desk.

  “Are you sure? I don’t want to interrupt,” she says, pointing her thumb over her shoulder toward the door.

  “I’m positive, please, have a seat,” I insist.

  She eyes me cautiously, looks at my hand, then follows its path to one of the overstuffed, dark, leather chairs in front of my desk.

  “I’m all sweaty from yoga. I don’t want to ruin your . . .” she starts to say.

  “Maddy, you can sit,” I interrupt, then take a seat on the corner of my desk. She looks at the chair, reaches behind her, then runs her hands over her ass and sits down on her hands. My mouth instantly goes dry, and I swallow a hard lump of air, trying not to think about her hands on her cute little, toned ass. “So, how was class?” I ask, loosening the constricting tie around my neck.

  “Great! I love Kate’s classes. She’s an excellent teacher. You should come some time,” she says, adjusting her weight from side to side on her hands.

  “I, uh, I don’t know. That’s kind of River and Kate’s thing. I wouldn’t know the first thing about it,” I say, then look down at my Italian leather shoes.

  “Well, I’m still learning the basics myself. If you ever want to give it a try, I’m there Monday through Friday at six in the morning in the beginner class.”

  “Maddy? Where did you go?” I hear my sister singsong from down the hallway.

  “I’ll let you get back to work,” Maddy says, then stands.

  I stand, then catch a glimpse of my sister walking down the hallway. She sees Maddy in my office with me, then she ducks out of sight against the wall just outside my door.

  “It was nice seeing you,” I tell her truthfully.

  “You too,” she says with another sweet smile.

  She turns and starts walking toward the door, and I honestly don’t want her to go. No, let her go. You’ll only break her. Everyone, especially Maddy, needs to stay as far away from me as they can possibly get.

  “Maybe I will catch one of Kate’s classes some time,” I find myself saying.

  Why the hell did you say that?

  “That would be nice,” she says, turning around. “Hey, I have a client today that’s not that far from here. I always overcook for them and they don’t want extra. Would it be alright if I stopped back around later and dropped off some lunch for you?” she asks, turning around to face me again.

  Her innocent smile and twinkling eyes hit me dead center in the chest like a ton of bricks.

  No! If you know what’s good for you . . . you’ll stay far away from me. Like an atomic bomb, I destroy the lives of everyone in my path. I’m toxic and nothing but a failure, and you’ll only end up hurt or worse dead.

/>   “That would be nice,” I find myself mimicking her words instead.

  I ball my hands into fists when I find my mouth saying the exact opposite of what my gut is telling me to do. This can’t happen. Don’t even let it start.

  “Great! Is one o’clock too late?” she asks.

  “One will work out fine,” I answer.

  “I’ll see you later then,” she says with a bright smile, then she walks out the door. “Kate! Where did you come from?” she asks, jumping back a step when she finds her hiding outside my door.

  “There you are. I was looking for you,” Kate replies, looking at me in my office.

  I walk toward my door, then watch them walk down the hallway. Kate loops her arm through Maddy’s, then they walk arm-in-arm toward the elevator with Sadie at Kate’s side. Maddy tips her head back and laughs at something Kate says to her, and it sends my stomach for a ride again. River walks past my field of vision into his office, ruining the moment. He walks back out of his office backward and even though I know he can’t see me, his cold, pale blue eyes stare directly at me, then his head turns towards the girls at the elevator, and he listens. I glance at Maddy one more time, then I retreat back into my office to my blinking cursor. The intoxicating scent of Maddy still lingers in my office and instantly sends my cock rock hard.